my oldest brother Bryce stood grinning, coffee in hand as he greeted us at the airport. We packed ourselves in his little red car and commuted back to his neighborhood passing by unfamiliar shops watching the mountains behind move slowly in the distance. Bryce graciously housed us for the 4 or so odd days we stayed – giving up his bed for his little sister and his old friend of teenage years. I had originally purchased the tickets with late nights, bars and live shows in mind, but the tiny human growing inside of me changed trip itineraries. We filled our days with lots of good food and small mini explorations to thrift stores. Our nights involved more food and did involve some bars where i consumed virgin drinks while the boys sipped whiskeys and conversation and laughter filled in the cracks.
Growing up a 5 years age difference was pretty significant for the little girl who played with barbies and a big brother who ran around outside catching crawdads and various insects, until puberty hit and he spent his time reading with closed doors or blasting operation ivy and other various ska or punk bands (this quickly shifted to modest mouse and explosions in the sky in high school) when i’d rather be listening to backstreet boys or jewel *he left various scratched cd’s behind that helped shape my musical tastes as a young teenager — much of which, at the time, felt life changing, but I digress. Bryce was good at disappearing, so these few times a year where he’s present is a time i don’t take for granted. i love soaking him up and getting to know him all over again. each time months between visits life has happened for both of us – we grow and change and shift and fall into a more comfortable “us” and that time spent as brother and sister is quality. he’ll go deep – which i appreciate, he’ll laugh and it’s contagious, he’s smart, dry and witty so he makes you laugh too, he devours books and can share thoughts and information articulately..he expresses himself creatively through food which is a huge passion of his, & I admire his love of music – he knows what he likes and it’s authentic not trendy. I like Bryce – even better? I like that Luke likes Bryce too. I like that they had a friendship before me. Luke perhaps has to find a balance when hanging out with the two of us, but it’s easy for me to allow them to have their own time. I realize they probably rarely hung out just the two of them, but rather within the same group, but a mutual respect and friendship is still shared and I’m happy to disappear as the late hours creep in and their conversations may shift to sci-fi fantasy or whatever may be the topic of discussion. This trip allowed time and space for the three of us to bond and then the rest (almost everyone) joined in too mid trip.
Garrett, while on his adventurous 50 state road trip would be in Denver for a book signing with Theron, of This Wild Idea, and they’d be able to meet up and hang out for a day or two. My parents came out from Iowa as well and Bryce prepared a feast of smoked pulled pork for family. (i didn’t bring my camera out, rather just tried to enjoy everyone’s company) It was awesome having everyone together – Aunts, uncles, sisters, nephews, FAMILY and a few good friends Amanda, Leo & Marcin joined in on the fun too!
I may have been a bad wife to only really plan half the trip, I got the tickets and then ended any thoughts on what we’d do while we were in town. I figured we’d roll with the flow and find things there…which meant for the two (or really three) of us to spend half the day trying to decide what to do and the other half eating 
so for luke’s birthday we went to one of Bryce’s favorite places which Luke had been to once before and ordered delicious comfort food. We walked away stuffed, but smiling. This weekend ended up not being all about Luke – which was the initial intention, but perhaps it became about the family luke has become apart of. I may owe him another birthday trip that’s all about him next time
On our last day in Colorado we made a point to squeeze some nature in and we spent a few hours hiking a small trail and enjoying the views. My mom and I got to have a little bonding time while Bryce and Luke trampled through the woods. The clouds rolled in and out and the air was thin and cool. My body was just beginning to feel the effects of pregnancy and catching my breath and peeing were a few things I was up against, but my mother was there to be look out and walk slowly with me as the boys wandered ahead. On our way up winding through the mountainous terrain by car i suffered from a small episode of what almost became a panic attack, but I was quickly able to talk my way out of it..I had been tired and an uncontrollable irrational fear consumed me and began to choke my air ways pushing tears up and out of my eyes – a quick rolling down of the window and deep breaths calmed me some and the exercise and fresh air was a welcome distraction. I had suffered from a few of these last summer for the first time and luckily hadn’t been bothered by my anxiety for awhile, but again the lack of sleep had done a toll on my body and my mind almost failed me here.
Post nature hike we grabbed a quick slab of pizza -the pizza made luke and I talk about moving back to a city – we were reminded what it was like to have all these things at our finger tips and it made us miss Austin. It made us miss our way of life before our move back to Iowa. ::the grass is always greener // and that feeling never goes away, no matter how deep you bury it, huh? & we know if we were to move to Colorado our visits to Iowa would make us feel nostalgic and long to be closer to our parents – you never win do you? At least we have an excuse to visit CO often and most likely will throughout the years. Just a warning Bryce, you were such a great host that we plan to be back again, I hope you don’t mind.
